Why Is There a Tendency to Synchronize?

The fundamental basis for the change of all dharmas lies in the power of the manas. There is a phenomenon that often occurs: after becoming friends with someone, the two people do not deliberately imitate each other, yet unknowingly their tone of voice, gestures, and catchphrases become increasingly similar, and people often say, "You two are becoming more and more alike." This phenomenon is called "synchrony tendency" in psychology. If you are with someone you dislike, no matter how long you stay together, this similarity will never occur; it only appears between two people who like and appreciate each other. The most obvious phenomenon is that within a family, parents and children are very alike in living habits and in speech and silence, including facial features. 

The principle behind this is that when a person takes delight in and accepts another person, the manas has accepted that person. Through long-term contact, what one thinks, says, and does gradually becomes consistent. When the manas inwardly acknowledges and accommodates the other person, upon seeing the other person's voice, appearance, and smile, the manas unconsciously learns from them and becomes similar to that person.

When the mind transforms, the countenance can transform; when minds are the same, countenances can also be the same. Studying Buddhism and cultivating practice is also a process of continually changing one's appearance. If one's appearance has not become more honest, simple, steady, and kind, if it has not become more dignified and approachable than before, then the practice has not yet taken effect and the mind has not changed. Because when the manas changes, the seeds change, and this can prompt the tathāgatagarbha to change one's external voice, appearance, and smile. If only the mind consciousness changes while the manas does not, then the tathāgatagarbha cannot bring about changes in one's inner and outer being, because the seeds have not changed.

In change, first the mind consciousness accords with the other person, and then the mind consciousness influences the manas; when the manas changes, karma changes. Because the manas is the determining consciousness, it can exert a decisive influence on all dharmas, and the tathāgatagarbha complies with the determining consciousness. If the mind consciousness and the manas are not in accord, just observe: in the end, which one does the tathāgatagarbha comply with? According to whose decision is the result produced? Of course it still complies with the manas, cooperating with the manas's decision. This shows that the manas is powerful.