The Consequences of Feeding the Self

Consider a question: suppose you proudly displayed yourself in front of a crowd—you either received people's praise, or did not receive their praise, or did not know their impressions and attitudes—then what could you gain from this self-display?

Some people lack the ability of self-observation and self-management, cannot discipline themselves, and always rely on others to supervise and regulate them; this is called lacking self-awareness, lacking the power of awareness. Some people, in order to display themselves, pay no attention to others' impressions and emotional reactions, only care about showing themselves off; even if they frequently arouse others' aversion, they do not care, wholly immersed in self-consolation and self-satisfaction—this is called selfishness.

Why do these phenomena arise? Because sentient beings universally take feeling as self, and universally cling to self, they all attach importance to the feelings of their own minds, coveting all kinds of feelings and unable to extricate themselves; even if they obtain nothing of substance, as long as they feel comfortable and mentally satisfied, that is enough. Feeling is also a nutriment of sentient beings—it is consciousness-nutriment (vijñānāhāra), spiritual nourishment. This spiritual nourishment is not easily satisfied when merit is lacking; only when merit has accumulated sufficiently does one no longer need this consciousness-nutriment, and gradually one comes to value practical benefits and long-term, ultimate benefits.

When sentient beings feel hungry and want to eat, this is material nourishment; when craving material enjoyment, after all one can still obtain the material form of the actual seeds of the four great elements. For example, when eating dumplings, there are after all dumplings that enter the belly—it is somewhat more tangible, only the time is brief, and afterward one no longer senses the flavor. Bodily contact is also a kind of nutriment, and is also somewhat more tangible, such as massage, moxibustion, and so on. These are all coarse nutriments, slightly easier to sever; the subtle consciousness-nutriment is very hard to sever, being deep-rooted. Some people can accept and endure being denied material enjoyment, but if not given spiritual affirmation and praise, that is unacceptable; when spiritual nourishment is not satisfied, the mind cannot bear it.

Passing the test of consciousness-nutriment also requires merit. Some people, because they have often received praise and have experienced all kinds of things, are widely experienced and broad-minded, and thus do not care about others' evaluations or whether they are recognized; their sense of psychological satisfaction is not obtained from external people and affairs, nor do they pay attention to external things. This is because they have substance within—internally they have many things with which to satisfy themselves; their spiritual nourishment is abundant. Such people never need to boast of themselves or display themselves before others, and their conduct is low-key.

Why do some people swell up with a few kind words, becoming oblivious of their own place? Because their merit is meager, they are impoverished, and they lack too many things; they must obtain these things from outside in order to be satisfied, so that their spirit can be consoled. Those who frequently like to chatter on and on before others—savor this and consider: what exactly are you lacking? Hurry and make up for it.

Taking feeling as self is precisely the self-view (ātma-dṛṣṭi). Because of this self-view, one likes to pursue feelings, loves to show off, loves praise, and dislikes criticism. Therefore all afflictions arise from the self-view, without exception. Some people shout all day long about eliminating the self-view, eliminating the self-view—but what exactly has been eliminated? If a person constantly feeds himself with material nourishment and spiritual nourishment, what is the result? The result is being fattened up for slaughter, with birth-and-death continuing without end. The origination of nutriment and the origination of consciousness—any arising within the body-and-mind world is karma of birth-and-death; cultivation is precisely to cut off origination (samudaya). The origination of the five aggregates—form, feeling, perception, volitional formations, and consciousness—are all karma of birth-and-death, and among them volitional formations are also deliberation (cetanā). Within consciousness-nutriment there is the origination of deliberation—the ceaseless random thinking day after day is also karma of birth-and-death. Contemplating the Buddha-dharma is not karma of birth-and-death, but thinking without order or method is of no benefit for liberation from birth-and-death.

Shui Ru: I think that since we are human, everyone has shortcomings. When you show off, you immediately know that you have shown off—it is because merit is insufficient, and you need to gain others' recognition to satisfy yourself. Gradually you will increase merit and reduce showing off. Is that right? Do not fear that thoughts arise; fear only that awareness is slow. Ever since I had sensations of qi, it has become easy for me to discern from someone's words whether the speaker has genuine cultivation, and I also feel aversion to those who repeatedly discuss Buddhist principles, discussing self-nature and buddha-nature. Change of body and mind is what matters most; buddha-nature must be slowly realized by oneself through continuous forward progress.

Assessment: Right, cultivation has a process, but the process must not be allowed to be too long. With someone to remind you and your own awareness, the process can be shortened and the suffering of saṃsāra reduced.