The Real Effects of Actual Practice

Ru Chun: During this period of sitting quietly, no matter how great the commotion outside, it could not affect me. Sometimes I felt anxious inside and thought of getting up from sitting to go see what was happening outside, but no matter how hard I tried to urge myself to get up quickly, my body simply would not cooperate—I could not move or rise, and even scolding myself was useless. Sometimes the same thing happened when reading sutras. For several days I also did not want to speak; whatever others said to me, I would always answer with a single word, "mm," as if my mouth were very heavy, and opening it felt tiring and laborious.

It was the same with eating—I did not feel hungry, and my stomach felt full and bloated; it was only out of habit that I ate when the time came, and chewing, swallowing, and digesting all felt very strenuous. Later, feeling that this state was delaying things too much, I kept warning myself to move more and talk more, not to let myself quiet down, and not to casually sit down. Because as soon as I sat down I became quiet, and it seemed as if a buzzing, strong signal sound came through in my head, and a pressure pressed in at the back of my head, and I would want to meditate—once I sat, I could not move for a long while.

As soon as I crossed my legs, it was as if a pleasurable feeling began to emanate from the base of my thighs; in my head or deep in my ear faculty there would now and then be "crack-crack" sounds, very crisp, sometimes very loud. The weather was not hot, but my head or the back of my head would always sweat, while the rest of my body did not. After rising from sitting, my mind felt much clearer; the dharma meanings I had not finished contemplating would continue turning in my head, without hindering the tasks at hand, and my head would swell from time to time. My body felt much lighter, and I had energy and vitality. My afflictions also lightened considerably; when facing criticism, my reactions were very calm—neither anxious nor angry—and I did as the other person asked, very compliant, without much afflicted mind. It is just that sometimes I seem slow to react, dull and silly, which makes people a bit anxious.

My contemplative practice (vipaśyanā-caryā) seems to have improved somewhat. Before, most of my contemplative practice consisted only of introspecting on my own mind or observing certain phenomena. Later I heard the Master say that this is merely picking leaves off a tree—one must dig up the roots. I asked the Master: How does one dig up the roots? The Master said: First realize the Small Vehicle's emptiness, then realize the Great Vehicle's emptiness. So I tried to contemplate the suffering, emptiness, impermanence, and non-self of the five aggregates (pañca-skandha). Before, I always felt as if I could not find the path and did not know how to contemplate. But this time I seem to have some feeling for it, some ability to contemplate, and when studying dharma meanings I can also understand and observe more from the perspective of liberation.

Assessment: When sitting quietly for a longer time, meditative concentration (samādhi) can continue uninterrupted and will gradually deepen; quantitative change leads to qualitative change. Therefore, there is no need to keep thinking about getting off the cushion while sitting, constantly attending to the people, things, and affairs around you. Worldly habits must change, and the mind must transform as much as possible toward cultivation of the Path.

Judging from the physical condition you described during meditative concentration, you are opening through the crown of the head, and you are also close to opening the root chakra among the seven chakras—this is a gratifying and praiseworthy phenomenon. Once the body's energy channels are unobstructed, meditative concentration will be no problem, and it can be fully used for deep and detailed contemplative practice. And your contemplative practice is indeed now on the right path, no longer veering off track this way and that. With both meditative concentration and wisdom on the right track and going deep, further effort will bear fruit, developing in the direction of the aspiration toward the first fruit (srotāpanna). 

In terms of mental disposition, you are also sufficiently wholesome and sufficiently pure, yearning for liberation, with a mind of renunciation; your views are all correct, and your merit and diligent practice have been consistent, sufficient to support your seeing the Path. Being dull has its advantages—you listen, you take advice, and you are diligent. The dull bird has finally caught up with and is overtaking the clever birds. As for all that I, your Master, have invested in you over these years, if I calculate it, I am just about to break even; all the past efforts were worth it. If others could also be like this, then giving away this hundred-plus catties of mine would not be a loss either—after all, I would still get something back in exchange. 

As for those other clever birds—clever they may be, but clever in the wrong places, still grasping and grasping within the worldly realm. What have they grasped until their hands are full? Things arising and ceasing, not one of which can be taken along. Cleverness is undone by cleverness; it would be better to be a bit duller and have fewer worldly skills, so as to roll around in the world a little less and be stained all over with filth.

When cultivation starts showing results, one will always react slowly to the external world, appearing dull and silly, because the mind is not on external things. We would rather go on being this dull and this silly, until we finally attain the Way and become even duller and sillier, than to be sprightly and clever in the worldly realm. The clever and sprightly ones all end up being clever and sprightly right into the three evil destinies—and in the three evil destinies, how can one still be clever and sprightly? There is only the portion of receiving evil retribution! A universal characteristic of good practitioners is dullness—looking silly and foolish—but that is the verdict of worldly people. How credible are the judgments of worldly people? They are all foolish views; to comply with the views of worldly people is to be the same as them, heading toward the three evil destinies. We want to resolve the great matter of birth and death and witness the supreme truth, so we do not concern ourselves with how worldly people view us, and we do not fear their gaze. Only when one differs from worldly people in every respect has cultivation shown good signs of promise. 

Those who cultivate well, who have fewer worldly habits, and worldly people find each other mutually repulsive—neither can bear the sight of the other. Under such circumstances, if the two interact closely, only if one side endures more can things be somewhat harmonious; otherwise both sides will be uncomfortable. And the side that endures must pay a price. It is like a tall person conversing face to face with a short person: the tall one must bend down and lower the head to accommodate the short one—is that a pleasant feeling? Aching back and sore legs, with suffering that cannot be spoken. Your Master has spent this whole life bending down and lowering my head like this—that suffering, no one can be told about it, no one can understand it; I can only silently endure it myself, hoping that one day I will no longer need to endure, and also hoping that my disciples will all become tall people, so that I need no longer bend down and lower my head.