Collecting Debts, Repaying Debts, and Repenting of Sins in Dreams

Ru Chun: At night I dreamed that I picked up a piece of snake meat from the ground, and I knew in my heart that it was something I had eaten before. My heart was filled with shame and unease, so I immediately repented. The next night, I again dreamed of a mother snake and her offspring; I have forgotten the specific plot, only that in a half-awake, half-asleep state I was sincerely admitting my wrongdoing to them, repenting, and dedicating merit, and only after a long while did my mind settle somewhat. After this dream, my meditative concentration receded severely, and my mind was extremely dull and drowsy; I always wanted to sleep, and during sitting I was basically in a drowsy sleep. I knew this was my karmic obstructions manifesting and that it was time to receive retribution. I repented of my heavy ignorance from beginningless kalpas, my craving and attachment to worldly things, my widespread practice of perversity, and the boundless evil karma I had created; now that I receive the retribution, it is only what I deserve.

I also recalled the Master's instruction the last time karmic obstructions appeared: work on the mind; if the mind does not change, karma is not severed. When the Master said this last time, I did not understand it and did not know what to do. This time I seem to understand a little: it means transforming the perverse, afflicted mental nature and habits into a mental nature and habits of wisdom, liberation, and purity. Contemplate the impermanence, suffering, and harmfulness of the worldly dharmas we crave, and the suffering, emptiness, impermanence, and non-self nature of the corresponding five aggregates. So I paid more attention to the details of daily life, trying to keep both mind and conduct as pure as possible, in accord with the Path.

After several days of effort, my mind was no longer so dull, and my meditative concentration basically returned to normal. The karmic obstructions were basically eliminated. A few days before the karmic-obstruction dream, I had another dream: I dreamed the sky was overcast and about to rain. Just as I was preparing to open an umbrella, I saw the Master walking toward me, holding out a large umbrella for me—an umbrella several times larger than ordinary, as if it covered half the sky.

Summary: This time the karmic obstruction came quickly and went quickly, and I clearly knew the cause of the obstruction, so the purification of karma was quite targeted. The key point is that it was much milder; before, whenever it came it was like a tornado, overwhelming everything, making purification of karma difficult and lengthy, and each time it was very arduous. Does this mean my karmic obstructions are beginning to slowly shrink? Or did I use the right method? This time the process of purifying karma, besides repentance and dedication of merit, included more content on cultivating the mind. Is it that the stronger the aspiration for the Path, the faster karma is purified? The terrifying thing about karmic obstructions is that the little progress on the Path we have painstakingly cultivated can be knocked back to square one the moment they arrive. The invisible protective power of the Master, the bodhisattvas, and the Dharma-protecting deities—when the aspiration for the Path advances, that protective power also grows much stronger, and I can often feel a sense of compassion. The Master holding the umbrella in my dream was probably shielding me from karmic obstructions.

Comment: Your dream shows that your karmic obstruction came from eating snake meat and is related to snakes; your family members also created evil karma related to snakes in past lives. Snakes are sentient beings whose minds harbor the poison of anger; they never let go of anyone who has harmed themselves or their kin. When one person harms a snake, the whole family is implicated; harm one snake, and the snake's entire family comes to take revenge. I have a junior Dharma brother whose home is in Jilin; his whole family was besieged and retaliated against by a swarm of snakes from childhood. After she herself became a nun, she often dreamed of snakes coiling around her neck, nearly suffocating her to death. This junior Dharma brother was stubborn and refused to yield; in the dream she told the snakes to just strangle her, so she would no longer have to suffer, but the snakes only tormented her without killing her. Therefore one must not eat the flesh of sentient beings, and must not harm sentient beings. Respecting sentient beings is respecting oneself; harming sentient beings is harming oneself. Many people do not know how to respect others, frequently hurling abusive words, and are never respectful toward the Three Jewels. When the evil retribution arrives, the suffering is boundless and hard to bear, yet when they created the evil karma they were foolish and unaware.

Ru Chun has suffered much, and so is able to recognize suffering and know suffering; she practices very diligently and is gradually breaking through the barrier of karmic obstructions—dawn is near. This shows that suffering much also has its benefits. Those who are smooth in all other respects have low awareness, love pleasure, are not diligent, and sometimes habitually create evil karma; after death they will never enjoy any pleasure again—there is only suffering. Is it better to have bitterness first and sweetness after, or pleasure first and bitterness after?

Ru Chun: Yes, Master. Your disciple no longer wishes to continue suffering and wants to be freed from this body of karmic obstruction sooner. Your disciple is deeply ashamed of her former foolishness and ignorance, her boundless greed and craving, eating the flesh and drinking the blood of sentient beings without shame or remorse, creating much evil karma and receiving its retribution in this life. Fortunately, she encountered the Three Jewels, which saved and delivered her, and she found her way back from being lost. In order to lead us out of saṃsāra, Master has transformed his own five aggregates and eighteen realms into a vessel for the Dharma, the sound of the Dharma, and the meaning of the Dharma; the only thing he has not transformed is the deep compassion at the bottom of Master's heart!