The Real Effects of Actual Practice

Ru Chun: During this period of sitting quietly, no matter how great the commotion outside, it could not affect me. Sometimes I felt anxious inside and wanted to get up from sitting to go see what was happening outside, but no matter how hard I tried to urge myself to get up quickly, my body simply would not cooperate—I could not move or get up, and scolding myself was useless. Sometimes the same thing happened when reading sutras. For several days I did not want to speak either; whatever people said to me, I would always answer with a single word, "Mm," as if my mouth were very heavy and opening it was tiring and strenuous.

The same with eating: I did not feel hungry, and my stomach felt full and bloated; it was only out of habit that I ate at mealtimes, and chewing, swallowing, and digesting all felt very laborious. Later, feeling that this state was delaying things too much, I kept warning myself to move more and talk more, not to let myself become quiet, and not to sit down casually. Because as soon as I sat down I would become still, and it felt as if a buzzing, strong signal sound came through in my head, and a pressure pressed in at the back of my head, and I would want to sit in meditation—once I sat, I could not move for a long time.

As soon as I crossed my legs, it felt as if a very pleasant sensation began to emanate from the base of my thighs; in my head or deep in my ears there would be occasional "crack-crack" sounds, very crisp, sometimes very loud. The weather was not hot, but my head or the back of my head would always sweat, while the rest of my body did not. After rising from sitting, my mind felt much fresher and clearer; the dharma meanings I had not finished contemplating would keep turning in my mind, without hindering the tasks at hand, and my head would swell from time to time. My body felt much lighter, and I had energy and vitality. My afflictions also lightened considerably; when facing criticism, my reactions were very calm—neither anxious nor angry—and I did as the other person asked, very compliant, without much afflicted mind. It is just that sometimes I seemed slow to react, appearing clumsy and foolish, which made people a bit anxious.

My contemplative practice (vipaśyanā-caryā) seems to have improved somewhat. Before, most of my contemplative practice consisted only of introspecting my own mind or observing certain phenomena. Later I heard the Master say that this is merely plucking leaves from a tree—you must dig up the roots. I asked the Master: How does one dig up the roots? The Master said: First realize the Small Vehicle's emptiness, then realize the Great Vehicle's emptiness. So I tried to contemplate the suffering, emptiness, impermanence, and non-self of the five aggregates (pañca-skandha). Before, I always felt as if I could not find the way and did not know how to contemplate. But this time I seemed to have some feeling for it, some ability to contemplate, and when studying dharma meanings I could also understand and observe more from the perspective of liberation.

Assessment: When sitting quietly for a longer time, meditative concentration (samādhi) can continue unbroken and will gradually deepen; quantitative change leads to qualitative change. Therefore, you need not keep thinking about getting off the cushion while sitting, constantly attending to the people, things, and affairs around you. Your worldly habits must change, and your mind should transform as much as possible toward the path of cultivation.

Judging from the physical condition you described during meditation, you are opening through the crown of your head, and you are also close to opening the root chakra among the seven chakras—this is a phenomenon worthy of joy and congratulation. Once the body's qi meridians are unobstructed, meditative concentration will be no problem, and it can be fully used for deep and detailed contemplative practice. And your current contemplative practice is indeed on the right path, no longer deviating from the track, darting here and there. With both meditative concentration and wisdom on the right track and both deepening, further effort will yield results, developing in the direction of the aspiration toward the srotāpanna fruit. 

In terms of mental disposition, you are also sufficiently wholesome and sufficiently pure, aspiring to liberation, with a mind of renunciation; your views are all correct, and your merit and cultivation have always been diligent—enough to support you in seeing the Path. Being slow has its advantages: you listen and take advice, and you are diligent. The slow bird has finally caught up with and is about to surpass the clever birds. As for the effort I, your Master, have invested in you over these years, if I calculate it, I am nearly recouping my investment; all the past efforts have been worth it. If others could also be like this, then even if I gave away this body of over a hundred catties of mine, it would not be a loss—after all, something could still be gained in return. 

As for those other clever birds—clever they may be, but clever in the wrong places, still grasping and grasping within the worldly realm. What have they filled their hands with? Things arising and ceasing, not one of which can be taken away. Cleverness is undone by cleverness; it would be better to be a bit slower, to have fewer worldly skills, and thus roll around in the world a little less, staining oneself with filth from head to toe.

When cultivation begins to show results, one will always be slow to react to the outside world, appearing clumsy and foolish, because the mind is not on external things. We would rather go on being this slow and foolish, ultimately attaining the Way and becoming even slower and more foolish, than be clever and nimble within the worldly realm. The clever and nimble ones end up being clever and nimble all the way into the three evil paths—and how clever and nimble can one be in the three evil paths? There is only the portion of receiving evil retribution! A universal characteristic of good cultivators is foolishness—appearing slow and dopey—but this is the judgment of worldly people. What credibility does the judgment of worldly people have? It is all foolish view; complying with the views of worldly people means, like them, heading toward the three evil paths. We must resolve the great matter of birth and death and witness the supreme truth, not caring how worldly people view us, unafraid of their gaze. Only when one differs from worldly people in every aspect does cultivation begin to show promising signs. 

Those who cultivate well, who have fewer worldly habits, and worldly people find each other mutually repulsive—neither can bear the sight of the other. Under such circumstances, if they interact closely, only if one side endures more can things be somewhat harmonious; otherwise both sides are uncomfortable. And the side that endures must pay a price. It is like a tall person conversing face to face with a dwarf: the tall person must bend down and lower the head, complying with the dwarf—is that feeling pleasant? Aching back and sore legs, with suffering that cannot be spoken. I, your Master, have spent this whole life bending down and lowering my head. That suffering—no one can hear it told, no one can understand it; I can only endure it silently by myself, hoping that one day I will no longer need to endure, and also hoping that my disciples will all become tall people, so that I need no longer bend down and lower my head.