Collecting Debts, Repaying Debts, and Repenting Sins in Dreams

Ru Chun: At night I dreamed that I picked up a piece of snake meat from the ground, and I knew in my heart that it was something I had eaten before. My heart was filled with shame and unease, so I immediately repented. The next night, I dreamed of a mother snake and her offspring; I have forgotten the specific plot, only that in a half-awake, half-asleep state I was sincerely admitting my wrongdoing to them, repenting, and dedicating merit (pariṇāma). It was a long while before my mind settled a little. After having this dream, my meditative concentration (dhyāna) receded severely, and my mind was extremely dull and heavy; I always wanted to sleep, and during sitting meditation I was basically in a drowsy sleep. I knew this was my karmic obstructions manifesting and that it was time to undergo retribution. I repented of my deep ignorance over beginningless kalpas, my craving and attachment to worldly things, my widespread practice of inverted conduct, and the boundless sinful karma I had created; now undergoing the retribution is exactly what I deserve.

Then I recalled the Master's instruction from the last time my karmic obstructions appeared: work on the mind; if the mind does not change, the karma will not be severed. When the Master said this last time, I did not understand it and did not know what to do. This time I seem to understand a little: it means transforming the inverted, afflicted mental nature and habits into a mental nature and habits of wisdom, liberation, and purity. Contemplative practice (vipaśyanā-caryā) on the impermanence, suffering, and harmfulness of the worldly dharmas we crave, and on the suffering, emptiness, impermanence, and non-self nature of the corresponding five aggregates (pañca-skandha). So I paid more attention to the details of daily life, trying to keep both mind and conduct as pure as possible, in accord with the Path.

After several days of effort, my mind was no longer so dull, and my meditative concentration basically returned to normal. The karmic obstructions were basically eliminated. A few days before the karmic-obstruction dream, I had another dream: I dreamed that the sky was overcast and about to rain. Just as I was preparing to open an umbrella, I saw the Master walking toward me, holding out a large umbrella for me. That umbrella was several times bigger than an ordinary one, as if it covered half the sky.

Summary: This time the karmic obstruction came quickly and went quickly, and I clearly understood the cause of it, so the elimination of karma was quite targeted. The key point is that it was much milder; before, whenever it came it was like a tornado, overwhelming everything, making the elimination of karma difficult and lengthy, and each time it was very arduous. Does this mean my karmic obstructions are beginning to slowly shrink? Or did I use the right method? This time the process of eliminating karma, besides repentance and dedication of merit, included more content on cultivating the mind. Is it that the stronger the aspiration for the Path, the faster the karma is eliminated? The terrifying thing about karmic obstructions is that the little progress on the Path we have painstakingly cultivated can be knocked back to square one the moment they arrive. The unseen protective power of the Master, the bodhisattvas, and the Dharma-protecting deities grows much stronger as the aspiration for the Path advances; I can often feel a sense of compassion. The Master holding the umbrella in my dream was probably shielding me from the karmic obstruction.

Assessment: Your dream shows that your karmic obstruction came from eating snake meat and is related to snakes; your family members also created evil karma related to snakes in past lives. Snakes are sentient beings whose minds harbor the poison of anger; they never let go of anyone who has harmed themselves or their kin. When one person harms a snake, the whole family suffers the calamity; harm one snake, and the snake's entire family comes for revenge. I have a junior Dharma sister whose home is in Jilin; her whole family was besieged and retaliated against by a swarm of snakes from childhood. After she herself became a nun, she often dreamed of snakes coiling around her neck, nearly suffocating her to death. This junior Dharma sister has a stubborn temper and refused to yield; in the dream she told the snakes to just strangle her, so she would not have to suffer anymore, but the snakes only tormented her without killing her. Therefore one must not eat the flesh of sentient beings or harm sentient beings. Respecting sentient beings is respecting oneself; harming sentient beings is harming oneself. Many people do not know how to respect others, frequently hurling abusive words, and are never respectful toward the Three Jewels. When the evil retribution arrives, the suffering is boundless and hard to bear, yet when creating the evil karma they were ignorant and unaware.

Ru Chun has suffered a great deal, and so she is able to recognize and know suffering; she practices very diligently and is gradually breaking through the barrier of karmic obstructions, soon to see the dawn—this shows that undergoing much suffering also has its benefits. People who are smooth in all other respects have low awareness, love pleasure, are not diligent, and sometimes habitually create evil karma; after death they will never enjoy any happiness again—there will be only suffering. Is it better to suffer first and be sweet later, or to enjoy pleasure first and suffer later?

Ru Chun: Yes, Master. This disciple no longer wishes to continue suffering and wants to be free of this karmic-obstruction body sooner. This disciple is deeply ashamed of past ignorance and delusion, of boundless greed and craving, of eating the flesh and drinking the blood of sentient beings without shame or remorse, creating much evil karma and receiving its retribution in this life. Fortunately, I encountered the Three Jewels, which came to save and draw me out, and I turned back from my lost path. In order to lead us out of saṃsāra, Master has transformed his own five aggregates (pañca-skandha) and eighteen realms into Dharma vessels, Dharma sounds, and Dharma meanings—the only thing untransformed is the deep compassion at the bottom of Master's heart!